How to Approach Dating After Divorce
You should know that is that Life is filled of “processes.” How you go through these processes determine how “happy” you will be with your life. Or rather, just how you LIVE your life.
You meet a stranger. You make small talk. A connection is made. You exchange social media info. Or not. You stay connected. You become friends. Or not. Process.
It took a little while, but I got to a certain point after my own divorce when I realized I was ready to be in a long-term relationship again.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. It was a process in and of itself to get to that point of “readiness.” That’s another post.
But I thought I was ready. No, I knew I was ready for a serious relationship.
I just wasn’t prepared for- like I seriously somehow completely forgot and entirely overlooked- the process that was necessary to get to the point where “serious relationship” would begin.
I thought I covered all my bases.
I did not.
I’m talking about the part where you’re trying to get to know somebody. The “dating, getting to know each other, internal debate of whether or not he’s long-term relationship material” part of the process. *insert your own ‘dang it!’ emoji here.
The process of getting to know somebody is inevitable, before committing to a long-term relationship. And during that process, no doubt things will come up that are triggers for unresolved issues or wounds that haven’t completely healed from the past. It makes the process trickier. More hurdles to jump through.
When these triggers arise and you find yourself feeling insecure, your mind fills with questions of “what if,” and doubt and panic set in…
Sometimes, I’m tempted to run the other way. Rarely, my natural inclination is to lie to myself and suppress those feelings instead of dealing with them. Often times, I find myself so overcome with those feelings and overwhelmed with the constant doubts and insecurities, that I allow those thoughts to take a stronghold over me…
SQUASH THOSE THOUGHTS.
Stay committed to the process, to you who are reading this.
Try not to run away, take a shortcut, or just shut down. Because no matter how many other relationships you get involved in, they’re likely going to resurface sooner or later.
Deal with those negative thoughts about yourself now, so you can be more wholesome for the person you eventually want to have a long-term relationship with.
STAY COMMITTED TO THE PROCESS.
Allow the process to bring out the ugly within yourself. You can then choose to work through "the ugly," and begin to put band-aids on those wounds.
TRUST THE PROCESS.
Face those freakin’ insecurities and wounds like a BADASS with punching bags over your hands.
YOU CAN DO IT.
I believe in you.
xo,
Teresa
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